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mdniteintherain's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, May 8th, 2007 | | 4:50 am |
The hardest thing I think in life is having to get over someone who has broken your heart. On a lighter note, the concerts coming out to the amphitheatre this year are gonna be pretty great. Well except for maybe Marilyn Manson. The thought of working for that show really kind of freaks me out a little. Also, I am so very glad it is summer time. And I cant believe that paris hilton pleaded her case to the govenor to try and get out of spending 45 days in jail. pirates 3 comes out the 25th and I cant wait. I hope its better then the last one. | | Thursday, February 15th, 2007 | | 10:55 pm |
21 years old and I have an ulcer. | | Monday, November 20th, 2006 | | 11:18 pm |
Havent updated in for days. Lifes been hectic. Mom just returned from 2 wks in Germany. Tierra was having surgery. Ive started dreading having to go to work. So I'm looking for a new Job. I should have taken the Job in New Jersey, but for certain reasons I did not. I still have those reasons, but Now I'm thinking of moving somewhere far away regardless. It would be tougher then I'd like, and I'd probably struggle alot more then I am now (if that's possible) but it would more then likely be for the best. Softball we were in 1st place when we went to the play offs and lost to the 4TH PLACE TEAM by 7 points. oh well. Im done with softball too. Ive been spending alot of hours alone, and the hours Im not alone ive been spending with thomas and those hours are full of lounging around his house, home made dinners, movie nights and sleep overs. They are slow paced, lazy and content. And confussing enough to keep me guessing. I've seperated myself from all of my old friends, so he's pretty much all I've got left that I see and interact with on a daily/nightly basis. It's odd not having a million friends to call up when a moment of boredom stricks you. But I realized recently that the moments of boredom, and the people I would call up in those moments have never been, nor will they ever be, good for me. It was hard cutting the cord and I attempted to drag it out, doing it slowly, weaning my time from them, but that didnt work, as I was too tempted to fall back into old habits. So I severed the friendship as quickly as possibly, which was mainly my saying, and I qoute, 'If *certain event* Does not happen then It's over. I'm Done.' Apparently I was not taken serious as what I said needed to be done was not, and in response certain people were completely cut off and out of my life. It gets lonely, but It's probably for the best, or so others tell me. All in all, It's definetly time for a new start. | | Friday, August 25th, 2006 | | 11:57 am |
Comcast Softball
1st game of our second season was played against The Vital Signs (formally known as the 2nd St Sluggers) and it was a pretty good game. in the first inning we scored 9 points, and we ended up winning in a VERY close 7th Inning 14 to 13. We also got shirts made that actually fit. So, we look like an actual team. Robert at the tattoo shop asked me if i would like to apprentice for him, and doing tattoos might be pretty cool, so I told him I would give it some thought. I do need a change I think. Also, As another part of Toms sucking up, he went and got my a gift certificate for an hour massage, and presented it to me at work this morning. I know its because hes trying to get on my good graces after the ass chewing I gave him last night. The guy I met at the laundromat called me last night and asked me if I wanted to hang out and if I could 'get him some drugs' loser. Take 5 set is almost all done, it looks pretty good. And thats about it. Oh. I almost forgot. My mother has informed me shes going to start looking for a new place to live so that I can 'grow up' uh. Yeah. Like I havent been trying to already. | | Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006 | | 7:03 am |
Tom has appreantly decided to make a reappearance in my life. He's around all the time. And he calls, Alot. He wants to take me to Vegas for my b-day. he says that he 'can't not be around me' and that he 'misses me' I don't know whether to believe him or if I should wonder what he's up to. I do know though, that I don't trust him. | | Saturday, August 19th, 2006 | | 9:22 am |
I arrived at work early today ( a little before 8 ) and went into the studio to work on painting the new News backdrop and I hadn't been here more then an hour when Tom cornered me in the studio. He started talking and 20 minutes later informed me that I should never have pissed him off 'a month ago' and he was now willling to 'let it slide' ha | | Friday, August 18th, 2006 | | 12:50 pm |
we lost softball, which really doesnt bother me any. Justin played pretty good. But I kind of suspected that he would. Tom made the list that says were everyone is playing and decided to take me out of it and put Sonya in. Figures. I applied for some new jobs yesterday. Hopefully one of them will amount to something. My temper and attitude has been slowly building these past weeks and Im worried that someones going to say something trival and I'm going to blow. I'm trying really hard to be a nice person but its not going to last long. The sources of my anger/annoyance are people that surround me on an almost every day basis. Desiree, Allie, Will, Nick, Sarah, Cheyenne, My mom, Tom..Just to name a few. I hate loading tapes. I hate being chewed out for not knowing how to do it, when no one has shown me, and I hate feeling like an idiot which is exactly how I feel when Cheyenne double checks everything I do. I've been working here far longer then she has and I don't need her looking over my shoulder on everything. I'm also tired of stupid loser guys. Of being stood up, of being lied too, and not being invited places and then listening to the piles of excuses that people offer me. If you dont want to hang out just say so, dont say 'hey lets hang out' then go do whatever without me, and then when I question you give me stupid excuses. It pisses me off. And as far as stupid tom goes, Dont give me dirty looks at work, flip me off, or very obviously ignore me. the freaking loser can at least be civil. It's not like I go to sleep at night thinking of ways to annoy him. He can at least act like an adult, which I thought he would be able to do seeing as how hes a good 10 years older then me. As far as Desiree, Sarah, will, allie and Nick they are so involved in their new extra curricular activites that it makes me disgusted. they've always blamed their past mistakes on me and Ive always taken the blame, But this is ridiculous. They are ruining their lives, they dont even care and if they in anyway try and blame any of this on me its all pretty much over. My mother cant seem to let me grow up, or attempt to be an adult or well, do anything to actually help myself out. She lectures me constantly, comes down to see who i have over at my apartment, expects to know where I am at all times, and I'm tired. Frustrated. Not to mention Ive lost almost 30 lbs in close to a month. Ive got a stupid cough I cant get rid of. I sleep all the time. My stomach hurts all the time. My back hurts all the time. My chest hurts all the time. Ive got headaches, certain smells make me sick to my stomach and sometimes I get dizzy. Im probably dying, but considering all the stupid people that are pissing me off at the moment, that might not be so bad. Maybe IM being over dramatic, I probably am actually, but at the moment I really dont care. Im tired of everything. | | Monday, July 10th, 2006 | | 4:14 pm |
So Ive been slacking on updating this thing. It doesnt matter. No one reads it except for Justin and Kz and when I run into them I usually update them on whats going on with me anyway. So heres a run down. Im meeting my long lost father in august. Im going camping at pismo beach in august. ( why I have no idea since I dont really like camping) Tom is also going camping with us. Where things are with he and I, I have no idea. I think Im probably a little stressed out with the lack of money I have. That could be where the 10 lbs went. I dont really ever eat. I cant afford it. I saw pirates of the carribean, and Johnny depp was hot. Working at Ozzfest the bass player of hatebreed asked me out to dinner. I turned him down. Im having a hard time getting past tom for whatever reason. It sucks. I see Jesse from the Newspaper every so often and we hang out, hes been to my place, ive been to his, so i guess I can say that we are almost friends. Desiree and my other friends have devolped an obsession with a little drug called coke. So I dont really have any friends anymore. And there is this stupid stupid girl who is on our comcast softball team and she keeps hitting on tom, And I KNOW that she knows that something is going up with tom and I. I want to scratch her eyes out. But instead I smile and talk to her and act like I dont want to beat her. Thats probaly about it except that Im scared to death about meeting my father. What if hes crazy. or..some tweak or what if hes just like me? What am i gonna say to him? He and my mother hate eachother so Its not like I can talk to her about it. I just dunno. Oh. And Nate is quitting at work. Fred is training me to take nates spot, but hes been making refrence to hiring someone with a collge degree. If fred gives them nates job I will throw a fit. I already told fred I would. Ive been at stupid comcast long enough (going on my 4th year) that I should be promoted to head of studio and if he gives it to someone new then Im out of there. I hope he realizes Im serious. Thats about it. Oh except im going to see about getting graveyard shifts as a waitress at Dennys. Wish me luck. | | Friday, June 16th, 2006 | | 7:02 am |
So, I knew it was coming, it was after all my last entry. But Tom and I are now a not. It happened with a phone call. He had been moody for at least a good two weeks so I knew something was up and I knew something was changing. he called me up and was being very very moody. he said " I'm not hanging out with anyone from work anymore. Im going home and Im not even speaking to anyone. I'm going to go to rocklin and hang out with my cousin and his friends. I need to start hanging out with people my own age." So I opened my big mouth and said ' So that means what? that you and I aren't hanging out anymore?' and he said ' yeah. Also I need to quit drinking, Ive done things after I've been drinking that I shouldnt of done' then he kind of chuckles. And I know this is a reference to me staying the night at his house, even though there was nothing overly sexual involved. Then as I still remain quiet he says ' I know you don't understand, and I'm sorry.' the phoen call basically ended there. Then I wake up and check my email and there is an email from him saying he is 'sorry and forgive me please'. Today during softball he completely and utterly ignored me. Also. Today was our first softball game, we lost 7 to 11 I think, tot he appeal democrat team. And also, I didnt see Justin.. And Am I wrong or is his last name miller? Because if I'm not wrong, then some tall dude in an orange hat was wearing his jersey. Other then that it was pretty fun. Well other then losing, tom ignoring me, me missing the stupid ball and getting hit in the wrist and a girl on our team fracturing her ankle in the first freakin inning. Oh what a day. | | Thursday, June 1st, 2006 | | 5:41 pm |
Sometimes you can sense that things are going to happen before they do. I have a very strong gut feeling that Tom and I are going to no longer be not to long from now. | | Sunday, May 28th, 2006 | | 2:06 am |
So, My brother came into my house when I was at work and racked up 35.78 in pay-perview porn. And when I called him on it he just laughed. Then I showed it to my mother and she also laughed. I'm not happy. I'm slightly pissed actually. On a lighter note my pg&e was on 3.18. The family had breakfast with tom this morning, at Ihop, and I think it went pretty well. They laughed at his stories alot. So I suppose things could be worse. Oh and my sister is home from germany with her new boyfriend until June 6th. | | Thursday, May 4th, 2006 | | 5:52 am |
I started the new tattoo on my upper arm/ shoulder on monday. All I got done was the outline. Mom is not speaking to me since she called me out about it at dinner (in front of a good 10 people in the middle of the resturant)and I told her that I was sorry if she didnt like it, but it was my life. She responded with 'Well why dont you go shoot a line then' Great night huh? Thats about all thats gone on with me. | | Thursday, April 27th, 2006 | | 11:17 am |
Tom and I painted my bathroom a Horribly bright Lime green. It looks awesome. I've heard often that Bright lively colors make people more entergized, so I am curious to find out if after using the bathroom people come back with more energy. And to be honest..I didn't do most of the painting. I painted around the trim of the mirror and next thing I know all the walls were done. He also fixed my tv, my computer, my cable, my oven AND is helping me install something called a 'molly' so I can hang the canopy in my bedroom. The Apartment is coming together and it is starting to feel like Home. The schedule for The Amphitheatre has been announced, and they add shows practically every day. It's going to be an awesome season. I'm excited to work it again. Cheyenne (new producer) and I have started a Co-Ed Softball team. We are now known as 'Team Comcast' The season starts in June and it's going to alot of fun. 10 boys *mainly the installers* and 10 girls *we had to beg* are on the line up. Raul's movie is done being filmed, and mine is getting ready to start. All In All I guess I'm gonna be pretty busy | | Monday, April 24th, 2006 | | 5:23 pm |
Moved into apartment complex in MSVL. Having a hard time adjusting to being alone all the time. Tom's taken time and thought it out and has decided he doesn't like my mom, and he's come around and is even making plans to do things with me. This is a good thing. Desiree is and always will be my best friend and the person I care most about. It's hard growing up. Now that I'm living alone I find more people wanting to come over then I know what to do with. I am completely and utterly happy right now. | | Friday, April 14th, 2006 | | 3:22 pm |
I'm Moving to Marysville Next week. 2nd Floor. My Windows are the windows that over look D St., Across from Pro Fitness and that Club ( I think its club gravity but they may have changed the name) that's on the corner. Monday I go to Sign the Lease and get the keys. | | Thursday, April 13th, 2006 | | 4:37 pm |
I've been on edge all week. Moody and giving people dirty looks. Theyve mainly been aimed at Tom, though not on purpose. He's taken it like a champ, teasing me about it, although I think its making him nervous because hes started taking me for 'walks' to ask me whats wrong. I cut my hand, hit my knee, tripped and ran into Toms desk and stubbed my toe all in one day. I didn't think my moodiness had been picked up by anyone, until Joe (Toms head boss) commented on it. Which made me (for no apparent reason) Give tom yet another dirty look. I don't know what my deal is. Maybe Im just in a funk. Tomorrow Tom and I are Painting at his house. Hes never painted on canvas before (or actually painted anything other then a wall) so its probably going to be an experience. But something to lighten my mood hopefully | | Sunday, April 2nd, 2006 | | 1:20 pm |
Movie night tonight with Tom. Requiem for a Dream and Crash. Neither of us have seen either, hopefully they live up to the hype. Also, I've convinced the health nut to eat junk food tonight. It is after all, a sacred ritual on movie nights to eat enough junk food to make you sick. So, Salami and cream cheese, and chocolate and chips and beer and..whatever else happens to make its way to the event. Tom has made me promise to 'eat some grapes and strawberries too' So I suppose I wont eat unhealthy all the way around. | | Sunday, March 19th, 2006 | | 6:40 am |
Day 3 of Gregory and I am tired. It's a constant battle between him and I, me determined to make him mind and him determined to ignore me. Then mother dearest throws in her 2 cents and gets mad at me for making him mind. It's frustrating. I can't win. | | Saturday, March 18th, 2006 | | 8:22 pm |
last night I went to Silver Dollar and met up with my newest crush. It was an intresting night. One I enjoyed. He has a very laid back way about him that puts me at ease. And he laughs. Alot. Its like music to my ears. On the other hand, the karaokee sucked and I fear I may need to go in for eardrum replacement. | | Thursday, March 16th, 2006 | | 5:08 pm |
School Time seems to be what my life comes down to these days. It sometimes feels like a never ending cycle. The show is always on. It always needs to be filmed and it always has to be at 5 freaking o clock. I also find myself growing lazy with the Job Promotion. Yes, I have more responsibility, but with that responsibility comes alot of waiting around, which in turn makes me find myself sitting in the Techs office and goofing off with the boys. We eat red vines and suckers and drink Lemon Ice Tea and water. We sit and doodle on pads of paper and watch the weather channel. We talk about serial killers, snowboarding, and bad ex girlfriends. If we think it we say it and it is the most fun I have had at work in a really long time. This all causes me to be lazy. It's hard to get up after sitting and enjoying myself to go work and listen to the boys goofing off down the hall. I Have Gregory from tonight til Monday. I have Allie's 18th B-day on Saturday, And I have Raul's Movie on Sunday, and I have Work on Monday. How I'm going to go about life and enjoy myself with a 22 month old in tow I have no idea. But I can't wait. It's definetly something that I am excited about. I Love him like he is my own, as odd as that may seem to some people. Maybe I'll end up with kids after all. |
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